argh... & a thank you, Dave

there are issues with the internet here in the UAE. many sites are blocked & others have problems, like twitter's api. i can not access tweetdeck, nor can i see my tweets over there ->, so it was annoying trying to change font colours & melt the thing into the background while refreshing on my partner's pc using vpn software, which basically tricks folks into thinkin' we're comin' from the USA.

also, spent a great deal of time this a.m. trying to add my shared google reader page in widget form. argh! can not. added a link there to the left for now. man, is it frustrating trying to learn/figure out how each page is configured. i'm all for different, but the essentials of the thing should/must be easy to spot & easy to follow. perhaps i'm missing smthg.

_________

the point of today's posting (this post was started on the 20th) was to be a...

thanks to Dave for once again provoking my thoughts with his post...
The Hard Part is Finding People Who Care

"...instead of asking people we’ve just met what they “do” (usually “for a living”), we should ask them what they care about. What keeps them awake at night. What they would die for. And likewise when others ask us what we “do” we should deflect the question and instead tell them what we really care about. If there’s an obvious disconnect between what we/they do and what we/they care about, that in itself should be the basis for an interesting and soul-searching conversation: Why the disconnect, and what can we do about it? And if the conversation resolves that you and the other(s) you’re speaking with care about the same things, then so much more will have been accomplished than in you had merely exchanged data on your current employment..."

the precursor to most relationships is the time & effort it takes putting-in time with a lot of small talk. hinting at matters, scouting for covalent bonding on issues which seem presently opinion-worthy. it was fascinating to me in my early 20s to primarily gather as much info from people as possible, to follow/study/analyze their paths of thought. there are so many people, therefore, unique ways of seeing, internalizing & rephrasing knowledge - so many stories & histories. now, my mind seems to cloud over with this much info, i'd rather solely learn the heart of the matter. i was never much of a bull shitter, but i could small talk when necessary. i seem to have lost this important ability, important when meeting most people. now, i think i just seem awkward & offish. of course, you never know how people see you. with the more i have learned, i have become (as many do) narrow, not narrow-minded, though not really focused as i'm pretty scattered these days, more sacred than secular (not church-like, a way of discrimminating info into core rather than broad), filtering misconceptions, making decisions, being forced into decisions based on previous ones... my thinking was circular. today, it's more of a cresent, or a dot, & sometimes a squiggly line that abruptly stops.

after many times around the round about, what do i care about?

i'm going to try to answer this question while not sounding like a bleeding heart, or a self-centered jerk, or an ignorant caucasion mama. i don't want this to seem like a bitch session, calling out the global negatives. i won't really label myself with this or that belief system because each is not a complete picture. no -ism or title is a definition on its own, only a small part of the complicated gestalt. i'm not usually one to speak about what i think. it is risky, making yourself visible. if most people actually believe what they spout, then i don't see things the same. i think i'm finally more prepared, not to defend my thinking or actions, but to discuss them. i will not preach. i will question. i will encourage. there is no one right answer. things are too complicated for that. i'm trying not to sound definite about some things as i work to be flexible, adaptable, but i must decide, take a stand at a certain point. i work to understand the world of my childhood, so i may understand the previous generation & their impact on my own. i need to understand my own upbringing, so i may choose to be, choose that which to embrace & that in which to abolish.

with all the preamble out of the way, what weighs on my consciousness? what is paralyzing me, preventing action, change?

i know what i care about, but to translate this on an empty page with no jumping off point... i'll begin by listing things to which i feel connected or passionate: first thought - trees, ocean, mountains... as one whole thought; freedom, real freedom (not without obligations, not with license, with responsibility); sharing comfortable time with friends & family; understanding the global narrative & working to improve conditions for everyone.

what else?

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aside from this, i'm wondering if people are reading blogs anymore. i know i check in from time to time. i'm tryin' to get more into my google reader thing. but i do spend most of my small amount of computer time googling stuff i don't know, & checking twitter & facebook - reading about friends & interesting findings. it's hard then to squeeze all this info into a post & comment. i have time today as my lil one is down with a cold, & not needing my full attention at the present mo as she watches some time-passing shows. it's the only time i really let her sit like a mindless automaton.

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leaving you with these thoughts... thanks to Smile and Think for posting this today, now yesterday. it sums up the way i do things rather nicely. i've not heard it expressed before. i've always tried to explain it as the easiest & most efficient way of doing things. my partner has finally understood me, "the laziest!" well, okay, in his mind, sure. but this is what i've been getting at!



In 1982 Gus Van Sant's 1st project was a short based on the William Burroughs' essay Do Easy.

"DE is a way of doing. It is a way of doing everything you do. DE simply means doing whatever you do in the easiest most relaxed way you can manage which is also the quickest and most efficient way, as you will find as you advance in DE." ~William Burroughs

good enough.

torn

as usual, i sit here trying to grapple with the vastness of information before me, jumping from site to site, reading a little of this & that. i know i don't have too much time, so i seem to be choosing to collect stuff to read for later. i have sooo much bookmarked & usually about 40 tabs open. i do check over most of this, but sometimes the battery dies & i lose it all. ugh! & proceed to forget about it, perhaps permanently.

when writing a blog post, i have not been able to sit & write what i think. i look stuff up, i read about it from 10 diff wesites, then can i fairly confidently write smthg. i really should have taken a philosophy course in uni. (thinkin' it would teach me to express my own opinions?)

The Shape of a Mother is a site i've come across the past few days & would like to share. it's an important concept for the well-being of society. i've read through the site, alas, i can not access any photos as they are blocked here in the UAE. not surprising since they are of nudes, & are therefore, not respectfully veiled. the site promotes healthy attitudes about our bodies as they are after childbirth. a place to celebrate "the beauty that created and nourished our children." our scars, our skin, our shape is the way it is, the necessary changes from maidenhood to motherhood, & it is not unsightly. we will change again. age, with its wrinkles & grey hairs, is bestowed upon us, enriching our shells with honour from living life, gaining knowledge, loving & surviving. why are we choosing to place the youth stage of our lives on pedestals? how can we celebrate & praise the individual if our ideas/values of beauty are exactly the same? how do we change society to be more accepting? simply, begin with accepting yourself. understand that which makes us uncomfortable about our own bodies, & then ask why? the difficulty lies with thinking & being different, being an individual? when you go for a walk through the forest with comfortable shoes & a scarf around your neck, are you wondering if every hair is in place? does it matter there's a smudge? why then, does this change? life is no different in one place over the other. perspective.


good enough.

sylvia d. hamilton

just watched the film, 'the little black schoolhouse' by sylvia hamilton. i'm ashamed to say it's my first one, though i intend to catch up on them all. sylvia lives here in the valley, & was my neighbour for a time. she focuses on african black history in nova scotia. her films have much to teach most of us as we do not learn this facet of our history. there are many aspects of our history that are left out for our convenience of saving face. the denial of past opinions & decisions provide a false sense of progress. but for the simple sake of humanity, for a real sense of progress for the 'human' race, we need to see, to understand & acknowledge history as it is seen through every child's eye & embrace every culture. if we ignore & dismiss the events of the past, we will not learn nor will we teach our children the importance of real compassion, we will strip ourselves, the human race, of our humanity.

this is another film by sylvia hamilton about 28mins available for free from the nfb.



one more from the nfb. one that i grew up occasionally seeing on cbc {one of three channels i had to get up off the sofa to change}.




good enough.